I Quit My Passion: Addressing a Failure Mindset
Original Post Date: October 11, 2023
“Oh hustle culture. Despite having a job in a field that I loved, I had to make this second hustle work. Oh pride. I let my ego and social pressure turn such a deep-rooted practice and love into hate. My smile slowly progressed to a frown with every new order.”
Tears and stained fingers. Stress and dirty counters. Detachment and beautiful culinary creations. Those were the results of my continuous attempts to keep my baking business running.
The summer was 2014. The days were filled with frequent attendance at the Wilton School of Confectionery Art. The weekends were spent experimenting with fondant, which I never quite mastered. My greatest plea was to attend the Wilton yearly sale and fill my collection with all the cool gadgets I’d seen on YouTube. For the next few years, baking would be my passion. The orders flowed in and so did the adoration. Sharing my passion with others brought deep satisfaction until one day it didn’t.
The summer was 2022. I had rebuilt my stamina for a rebrand although I knew I wasn’t fully invested. But for some reason, I thought newfound graphic design skills were going to sell cakes in a market I had no familiarity with. I tried to convince myself that, if business was booming again I’d find my excitement for it again.
What was once a passion and a stress reliever, was now a stressful side hustle. Oh hustle culture. Despite having a job in a field that I loved, I had to make this second hustle work. Oh pride. I let my ego and social pressure turn such a deep-rooted practice and love into hate. My smile slowly progressed to a frown with every new order. During this transition, a deeper internal conflict was born. How do I call this my passion but I’ve grown to hate it? I used to lose track of time in the kitchen, but now all I wanted was for the last timer to ding so I could sit down.
Unfortunately, I didn’t listen to my sadness. Advice from others is a blessing, but I think we should use our internal thoughts and emotions to dictate some of our decisions. If I’d listened to my heart the first time. I would’ve saved myself half a summer of rebranding efforts, but I didn’t. Instead, I ran with the outside critic. You’re so good at baking. People really like your sweets. You’ll figure it out.
Nevertheless, I still relaunched the business and awaited my audience's response. It was quiet, to say the least. By the middle of the school semester, I’d fill less than 10 orders. I appreciated every single one, but I couldn’t help to compare it to my previous performance. Shortly after my launch, in 2014, I got an order for 400 mini cupcakes. Despite my concerns of actually pulling it off, I excelled and received immense reassurance. Now, my revenue was barely enough to make a profit. As a college kid, I didn’t have much room to throw money at a crumbling situation. There were no signs of hope and I was beginning to accept my failure.
I couldn’t believe that 8 years later I had failed. I wondered if my stubbornness was the reason. Maybe If I had retired after high school, Allie’s Sweet Treats would’ve remained glorious. I even considered the problem to be my own skill. Was I not as good as I thought? Maybe people were just being nice. Whatever had led to this, I knew I felt like a failure.
Reframing your perspective is such a powerful tool. The same anecdote that influenced my feelings of failure would act as proof of my success. At 13 years old I had written a business plan, sought out ways to improve my skills, and pulled off the largest order… I can’t believe I ever deemed myself as a failure. I’d go on to carry out business for 6 years and my treats would find a special place in people’s hearts. I couldn’t negate the fact that my rebrand did not work, but that didn’t mean I had failed. It meant that Allie’s Sweet Treats had run its course and I was meant to move on.
I wonder why we signify transitional moments as failures. We lose a job. We’re a failure. Whole time an offer letter is around the corner. We go through a breakup. We failed at love. Little do we know that was half the love we are meant to receive. Maybe we are failures, but the connotation can change. Failure isn’t a result of poor performance, but an opportunity for learning and new paths.
With Love,
Allie
Song of the Post:
Today I chose Rose In the Dark, by Cleo Sol. She’s been a recent discovery of mine, but her songs stay on repeat. This song is the perfect interpretation of the full experience of failure. She appreciates her ability to move on from restriction. More importantly, she offers forgiveness to herself for feeling guilt.
