I Don’t Want Any More Friends
If there’s one topic I’ve been schooled on, through 2024, it’s friendship. Some bonds exhibit the deep gratitude I have for the ones I call on and others taught me that there are just some situations you have to walk away from. We gather knowledge on friendship from the moment we meet our first buddy on the playground and continue to understand the way people move throughout life. Cause like they always say: Some people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
I don’t think I want any more friends. I’m far too jaded. Building hope for long-lasting connection only to be met with disappointment. I’ve had men drive me to anger by their actions but when it came to friends it cut much deeper—leaving me heartbroken and confused. With each drive to the heart, I’ve learned more and more of what I can’t accept and yearn for from those surrounding me. And with each formed bond, I learn how shockingly affirming a once-upon-a-time stranger can be. So much so that they become woven into your daily existence. You develop gratitude for the shoulder to lean on and the joy they bring .
That’s if it’s done right.
When those feelings start fleeting you know you’ve hit a problem. One that I’ve met many times before. At times I had dropped the ball and for others, the blame was on their end. So when asked about making new friends, I guess I’d say I don’t want any more friends…unless…
I don’t want any more friends unless we’re on the same page about friendship. Gone are the days when I gave and gave until I had nothing left to pour, without any reciprocated energy.
I don’t want any more friends unless they're willing to balance the effort they give to their relationships. I refused to play second when our relationship was supposed to be something of value.
I don’t want any more friends unless communication is a two-way street. There’s no need for sneak disses and hidden animosity when you could’ve just talked to me.
I don’t want any more friends unless we commit to uplifting and upholding each other. Earning the title of a friend means I count on you to call me out on my bullshit and tell me when I’m forgetting the things I claimed I wanted to do.
I don’t want any more friends if loyalty isn't a virtue. Forget questioning whether you're telling my truths to the next person and the next after that. I ride behind mine so I’d never expect you to disrespect me like that.
I don’t want any more friends if you can’t find love for me through your storm. I understand that when it rains and pours, but I’d shower you with love so I expect the same.
I don’t want any more friends unless they accept my vulnerability. We all deserve to share freely and intimately with those who claim the role of confidant. There’s no room for shame or neglect when I bear my inner feelings.
I don’t want any more friends unless they feel me with the worth of my most cherished connections. I know that we're meant to challenge and teach each other but without the sacrifice of love and belonging.
I don’t want any more friends if morality is forgotten. They say birds of a feather flock together, and I can’t let your feathers ruffle mine.
I don’t want any more friends because I’ve been exposed to real friendship and when you get the real thing you won’t expect less. They set a standard that makes it hard for the rest.
There’s no perfect person, no perfect friend. But when you’re confident in the way you show up for others, you grow to expect the same. You crave connections that not only make you feel good but do better.
To those I’ve lost along the way, I know that we’re all lessons in each other's stories and for that I am grateful. When some of those ties severed I thought I wouldn’t recover, but in the aftermath, you realize it was best. Two people can’t always stay joined forever and with that, there’s no shame. Cause I’ve accepted some people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime and I think you should do the same.
Before I leave I must extend flowers to the friends standing the test of time. Those that become more like family. The ones that I know I can call on even if we don’t talk daily. I love you and I thank you. Because of you I never feel alone. I know that you’ll remind me of the remind me of the versions of my past and celebrate the one of the present.
With Love,
Allie
Unfortunately, friendships are tested amid lover’s quarrels, but it’s a reality that many of us have seen. Girl is a true story of the hardships of leaving toxic situations but the beauty of friends who want better for you and remind you of it. It’s a reminder of the accountability and love we should expect from our friends.
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